The Single Best Way to Break Up with Someone, According to Experts
HINT: IT DOESN’T INCLUDE SAYING “IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME.”
By Laura Dorwart
Breaking up isn’t easy, and initiating the break up can be just as hard, if not harder than being broken up with. Cheers to Laura from Best Life for highlighting tips to help smooth out an often rocky process. Check out the full article at: https://bestlifeonline.com/how-to-break-up-with-someonoe/
Here’s a few of my favorite quotes:
Be assertive with what you want
While it might be tempting to approach your partner passively so you don’t come across as harsh during a breakup conversation, assertiveness is actually best, says Catalina Lawsin, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Beverly Hills. Lawsin says that coming from a place of strength is a good way to avoid manipulation by a partner who wants to keep trying. Assertiveness during a breakup is also kinder to the person you’re ending a relationship with, as it doesn’t leave as much room for false hopes and doubts.
“The decision to break-up isn’t an easy one to make. When you’re ready to end the relationship, be sure to stay on course in preparation for the breakup,” says Lawsin. “It’s easy to engage in the breakup conversation and get lost in rehashing the problems. If you’ve tried communicating with your partner about problems already, kept hitting roadblocks or you both can’t come to a compromise, then it’s important to remember before, during, and after your break-up conversation that you want to end the relationship.”
Use ‘I’ statements when you speak
Experts agree that staying out of an argument during a breakup is a crucial part of navigating a healthy end to a relationship. One way to do this, says Lawsin, is by focusing on your decision rather than on your partner. “Use ‘I’ statements,” she says. “Keep the focus on what you need and how you feel. Once you veer off into listing concerns you have about your soon-to-be ex-partner, this opens the door to them becoming defensive and swaying the conversation off course. Try saying things like, ‘while I’ve enjoyed our time together, I want to stop seeing one another’ or ‘I’ve grown a lot in our relationship and now no longer feeling like I can grow further in this relationship, I want it to end.’ When you keep the focus on your needs, feelings and desires, your soon-to-be ex-partner can’t challenge these, because they’re yours.”
Set boundaries for the conversation before it starts
Especially if you think the breakup could become emotional or volatile, or if you’re not always good at sticking to the boundaries you set, Lawsin suggests that you set them before you ever begin a dialogue.
“Set your boundaries for the conversation before it starts,” she suggests. “Decide how long you’re willing to allow for the conversation, where you want to have it, and also what you will and will not be open to discussing during the conversation. If you clarify your needs and intentions before going into the conversation, you’ll be more prepared to maintain emotional control during it.” Sticking to your original boundaries will send a clear message that you’ve made your final decision and will be sticking with that, as well.
