Questioning Your Choices

Reflections for Singles, Couples & Friends

Are you living with regret? This week’s episode of Sex Marks the Spot, I’m exploring choices that we make in relationships as singles, couples and with friends. I’m feeling a tad tentative to share how I’ve been experiencing this being single at the moment and the surprising lack of empathy I’ve received from coupled others.  I’ll also share perspectives I’ve received from clients and DMs about choices.

We’re all in different places, made different choices, and it’s up to us to make peace and learn from them.

When gaining insight- we try to take action to change regret, but here is where we need to tread lightly and act consciously and intentionally- so that we are acting to heighten our sense of living aligned rather than trying to make up or be worthy of better relationships.

I’ll introduce mental contrasting with implementation intention, a cognitive behavioral strategy where you imagine how it would feel as if, air with that. Next think of potential barriers that could come up and how you can tackle them currently, with the skills you have now. The key here is to visualize. Visualization is a powerful ancient science backed practice that can shift your memories and rewire your brain for new patterns.

Tune in to Sex Marks the Spot every Hump Day on ITunes, YouTube, GooglePlay, Stitcher, Deezer and the link in my bio.  Comment + Share + Subscribe!!


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Episode Transcript

Let’s connect amidst the Corona virus.

Hi, I’m Doctor Catalina Lawsin.

And today I’d like to talk to you about connecting.

So if right now you are feeling incredibly stressed or worried

or anxious.

You Are Not Alone the reality is is that anxiety feeds on

uncertainty and fear and the Corona virus has provided a

feeding ground for anxiety all throughout the world so amidst

this current crisis I think it’s a really important time

for us to connect with ourselves and with others so that

we can together get through this.

As smoothly as relatively possible.

Okay, so I want to take this first off by just getting you

to begin to think how have you been connecting?

Have you been finding yourself?

If you are quarantined or self quarantining or and expend

properly social distancing?

This can be a very big period of isolation particularly if

you We’ll live on your own or if your partner or family is

stuck somewhere else because they can’t get back for whatever

reason. So if you’re feeling alone, we already knew before

Corona came here loneliness already was its own epidemic

and now with the coronavirus, I feel like so many of us are

going Inward and because we can’t go outward and when we’re

going inward, we’re having to process all of these fears

all of these emotions pretty much on our own.

So what I wanted to do is really take this time to figure

out how we’re connecting with ourselves and how we’re connecting

with others.

I know that I’ve been certainly pretty triggered.

I’ve been triggered by people who are either minimizing it

and if this is U by no means am I offending.

This is my personal experience, but when I read things on

social media that one or mal informed or incorrect, but also

I’ve seen Being I find myself triggered when people are feeling

scared and panicked.

I know my immediate reaction is a okay particularly if I

see it on Facebook or something.

I’ll text that friend and I’ll reach out but then I’ve also

noticed myself kind of refraining from engaging in certain

connections. And if I’ve already checked in on these people

that I find myself not necessarily going to maybe all the

same go twos that I typically we go to as far as my relationships.

So I say all of that in that I personally am surprised at

what is triggering what I’m what resonating to what I’m wanting

to connect to and throughout this.

I’ve really been trying to Stay as present as possible and

as connected to myself, I live on my own and right now with

work and everything.

I’m lucky enough to be able to work primarily from home and

and Certainly, I feel isolated.

So if you’re at all feeling isolated and even if you have

your family around you but you’re noticing that you’re anxious

one of the biggest things that anxiety is going to do is

that it’s it’s going to protect you and you can either put

up guards perhaps you’re feeling a little bit more distant

from other people or even or just overwhelmed when you’re

too overwhelmed your body will just kind of go and autopilot.

Okay, making the kids dinner.


I’m I’m Doing this work.

I’m sending these emails.

I have this conference call, you know with everything.

Goe a lot of jobs going virtual right now.

You’re juggling a lot of things in a new workspace so much

of the Corona virus has put us in new situations with no

preparedness, and we’re having to just a test.

So admits the suggest moment.

I think it’s really important to ask yourself.

How am I connecting with my self?

So beginning to think about how your body is actually feeling

and one noticing expecting that your body is going to feel

a bit more stressed than it typically does which means that

maybe you’re a bit more tense on your shoulders.

Maybe you’re breathing sweat faster, you know, if you don’t

have a fever right now, maybe you’re feeling more sweaty

or you’re generally feeling more fatigued.

Not sleeping.

Well, what is your body starting to tell you?

What are your reactions are you finding yourself?

More irritable?

Are you finding yourself more quiet?

Are you needing calm all of those shifts that your body may

be doing is your body trying to keep itself steady?

Okay, so begin to notice what your body’s doing?

How are you sitting when you’re at your table or or when

you’re watching TV?

Are you finding yourself more?

Crouched over are you opening yourself up purely by opening

ourselves up and keeping our head high.

We actually are welcoming this energy and we’re bracing ourselves

to to whatever is coming towards us.

It exudes confidence in our body.

So one thing to keep in mind is that to take care of yourself

and to connect with yourself through this is give yourself

a lot of padding.

Like assume that you’re walking around and you need all these

beds around you right now so that your body feels safe.

Okay, and it feels protected right now because again if unfortunately

you have the Corona virus or you’re worried because you know,

someone who does or you’re feeling isolated all of those

things are putting your body in stress.

So you got to give it some padding.

Okay when you’re connecting with yourself.

And what are some things that we can do to connect with our

cells throughout the Coronavirus?

try going for a walk outside.

And if you’re in a big city and you’re worried about being

closed again, keep 10 feet away, but go outside and get some

vitamin D.

And if it’s super gray where you are in La it’s been pretty

rainy and miserable for LA.

But but still try to get yourself out and breathing some

are okay and and trying to actually give yourself somebody.

Assume that it’s under stress.

It’s needing to get rid of some of that.

So really trying to actually get out shake out some of that

angst or that that fear that your body naturally makes perience

right now.


So the other thing is is to really when you’re connecting

with yourselves.

One thing is is to be very mindful of how you’re processing

all of this information.

Nation, you know particularly if you are on social media

a lot of there’s a lot of things that are going around some

of its accurate some of its not be mindful of your own overwhelm

and make your own boundaries for yourself of how much you

want to watch the news.

Like I know for me I kind of finished my day and I’m like,

okay. I need at least 32 minutes to an hour of my shot and

news for the day.

So I’ll like turn on YouTube and I’ll catch up on things

or I’ll look online.

And and but I gotta do it for me.

I gotta do it before like nine o’clock because I need to

start settling down because it is so triggering for me.

I get so upset and in this is not just because of the corona

but in general when I watch the news I have time to get very

triggered. So so be mindful of how you’re actually processing

a lot of this information and making sense of it know that

your brain may take some time to Actually organize this and

make sense of it right now.

We’re all in this mode of okay, just get through.


Just get through it.

Just you know, if you’re starting work from home this week

or if you’ve been doing it, you’re starting to get adjusted,

you know, just know that you’re still adapting.

We’re all still very much at the front end of this and still

adapting and then one thing is is Really notice how your

body is feeling when you’re reading things are when you are

watching the news or seeing posts, you know notice.

What becomes arouse notice do you get more tense?

Do you get more shaky?

And that’s when I want you to just put your hand on your

chest and just give yourself a little bit of love.

To just tell your body you’re safe.

Okay, and that and then carry on?

Okay, but again keeping some boundaries there.

The other thing that I recommend to do to connect to yourself

is engage in pleasure, whatever pleasure that maybe certainly

masturbation fits within this and this is a time where particularly

if you did just get paid time off and you don’t actually

have to work from home right now use this as an opportunity

to explore yourself connect with your body, you know, that’s

an opportunity where I think that was we don’t have time

for these things.

So one of the things that Corona Fire I think is doing is

trying to slow us down.

If you are an individual who is still in the thick of it

and you’re working in hospitals or you’re working and you

are you’re still in the grind again.

This is even more important for you to refuel your body,

you know so that you can carry on while keeping yourself

healthy strong and safe and connect it to yourselves.

So begin to see what resonates what’s feeling pleasurable

to your body again that can include Lewd touching yourself

or playing with yourself, but it also can include listening

to music.

It can make yourself a playlist and come up with fun songs

today. I went for a run on the beach because I was just feeling

so anxious see that I like went out on the beach and I looked

for Pumped jams or something like that and next thing.

I know I’m like listening to eight miles.

We like with it was like metal Rock in the background.

I’ve no idea what it was, but it was actually quite fun.

I found myself like running like this and when I say running

it’s more of a walk anyways, so.

this is an opportunity for you to engage in pleasurable activities

do the fun hobbies that you generally forgot to do or like

knitting if you are were into that and you forgot to do that

or you just haven’t done it for years paint do whatever it

is, you know connect with something that is brings you pleasure

and joy, because when we get hits a pleasure body refusals

Again, and it gets another opportunity for us to connect

with ourselves and to actually refuel keep our bodies strong.

Okay, and how can you connect with others?

So first off technology is great.

So sending FaceTiming people Skyping them sending voice memos

sending MIT video messages again, one of the things that’s

happening right now.

I don’t know if you are working from home, but You know the

internet’s no matter what time of day it is is definitely

a little slower particularly if you are in a city and there

is a lot of buildings around you and a lot of people are

using the same internet.

Unfortunately, it’s a little slow.

So take a video and then text it, you know, just or start

to using things like Snapchat or Tick-Tock things like that

to really just share your moments.

Those are opportunities for us to connect the coronavirus.


Can isolate and with social distancing I think it’s really

important for us to begin to get creative particularly.

Say you’re in a long-distance relationship or for some other

reason your partner can’t be with you or your family can’t

be with you right now.

Maybe they’re sick or maybe you can’t get out get out.

You know, whatever.

The reason is.

If you make those calls make those connections ring up that

friend who maybe you have it checked out checked in on and

a long time.

We’re also check in on the people who you feel like might

actually need it just to see how they’re doing be mindful

of what your intention is.

When you are trying to connect to others, you know, ideally

it would be it’s important for you to go in with with the

intention to connect often times.

Absolutely it is this is the time where if you need support

and you’re feeling overwhelmed absolutely reach out for it

and then acknowledge that that’s your Intention, you know

this right now is an opportunity for to let go of any ideas

or any any any of the messages that you have been bred with

that actually are telling you you have to go through this

alone. You’ve got to be tough you you don’t need to be scared

because if you are wanting to connect because you really

need that support and you’re wanting it again, you think

you don’t know it.

Soak that up.

This is a time where really we need to be helping each other.

So, you know begin to be very mindful that what your intention

is around connecting to others and again when thinking about

some of the activities so many people are just thinking that

we can just talk but I play poker here in Venice and with

a neighborhood group I met on next door and they’re absolutely

amazing and super fun and And so yesterday I was talking

to one of them because we’re not meeting because we’re practicing

social distancing and I was like, why don’t we meet online

and do that?

So we’re actually going to over setting it up and there’s

still going to be money.

Well don’t know if that’s legal but L.

It’s a friendly game anyways, and you know, but you can also

when you’re making your playlist share it with your friends

share it with your loved ones put it on your face time, you

know, like, you know do all of those types of things again.

Then all of those I’m going to actually be starting an online

chat or a place where we can meet on Zoom or something like

that and just talk or share dance together.

I’m not sure what the format is going to be but keep an eye

out for that get creative with technology so you can connect.


And again, this is also an opportunity for particularly.

If you have more time have more space don’t feel that pressure.

Where you Maybe work on some relationships that need tending

without that pressure of oh gotta get gotta have this one

conversation to get to this outcome.

This is actually a time where you can actually pace yourself

but actually maybe put more intention towards towards connecting

in particular relationships particularly, if you feel like

they’ve been they’ve been they’ve been distance or there’s

been some tension.

This is an opportunity for you to actually Reconnect and

build on that connection.

And then the other thing is is while we are trying to connect

particularly with social media or when you are talking with

people be very Mindful and I said this a little earlier but

be mindful of How you are connecting if you’re noticing yourself

getting overwhelmed or triggered amid some of these connections?

I encourage you to actually try to sit through it move through

it. Don’t disconnect again right now.

Your natural body wants to disconnect it wants to isolate

it wants to withdraw it wants to avoid that’s our natural

guard right now because it’s scared.

We’re all together scared.

So in your connections with others, whether they be through

technology or face-to-face be mindful of how you’re connecting.

Okay, and what energy are you bringing to that connection?

Are you actually connecting or are you?

Distancing or you pushing away?

Okay being very mindful of what is happening in that connection.

And if you are sharing information on social media, then

definitely there be very mindful of the information you’re

sharing or if you’re going on rants.

If you’re finding yourself blaming certain things whether

it be political or you know, anything that is trying to identify

some of Blame lay blame that’s natural.

We’re looking for a cause so that we can make sense of this

in our head but be very mindful of how you’re sharing that

because again that can be something and who you’re sharing

that with yeah, particularly if it is stood me in the public

because again is your intent to connect or to push away.


All right.

So the last thing is is really pay it forward if you’re connecting

your connecting with your delivery drivers.

Or if you’re connecting with others share, whatever it is

you have or give donations give tips help.

Let’s all connect paying it forward together.

Alright, I hope that this was helpful.

I hope that everyone stays safe sanitized and protected together.

We can contain this together.

We can move through this and feel free to shout out.

I appreciate any feedback.

Follow me on YouTube and I’m going to be posting this I’m

going to resume my weekly podcast on Wednesday sex Mark the

Spot you can find it on anywhere podcasts are and on Institute.


Catalina Lawson or Facebook or Twitter or any of those places.

I’m pretty easy to find.

All right, take it easy guys.



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